


A Wordless Farewell

by Tamyou



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Brotherly Love, Character Death, Heartache, M/M, Prepare tissues I guess, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-14 07:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4555914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamyou/pseuds/Tamyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You know, Roy? I've always wanted to move back to live in Risembool someday... after everything's over." Edward's wish would forever stay a dream.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Wordless Farewell

**Author's Note:**

> It's been awhile since I wrote anything for this fandom. Well, technically it's a re-write, but I did promise I'd bring some of my old stories back, so... here it is :) I hope it came out alright. I edited it from head to bottom and pretty much tripled the length so the basic plotline and some of the dialogs are pretty much the only parts those of you who read this before would recognize.
> 
> So, without killing your brains with my rambling, on with the story. Enjoy :)
> 
> P.S: I've been told that tissues might be required.
> 
> I own nothing.

"Is he asleep?"

"Yes, try to be quiet, he needs his rest."

"He looks so weak..."

"He... would not last much longer, would he?"

The sad whispers stopped abruptly after that last comment, heavy silence falling over the room. There was no sound, but the soft, steady beeping noise of the machines. None of those present felt the need to add to Colonel Roy Mustang's sorrow, as the man was currently sitting next to the hospital bed with a lowered head and hunched shoulders - as if defeated - holding the limp hand of the young Fullmetal Alchemist.

Riza Hawkeye stood up from the chair she was sitting on by the door and quietly walked towards Edward's bed, sadly looking down at the pale face she grew so fond of over the years as the blond young man breathed slowly behind the rubber mask that covered his nose and lips, his eyes shut tight as if in great effort. His loose golden hair was spread on the white pillow like a halo, gentle waves framing his face and making him look so much younger than his twenty-one years. Riza couldn't help noticing how the bright rich color was such a strong contrast to his sickly pale face, making the acceptance of the gravity of the situation so much harder for everyone.

The blond young man - too young, Riza thought with a heavy heart - looked so weak... weaker than Hawkeye could ever remember him being. He didn't have much strength left. They all knew the end was near.

* * *

_"Ed!" The shout instinctively tore past Roy's lips as the man threw the light-green kitchen towel he was drying his hands on onto the counter and all over the vegetables he just finished cutting, moving so fast - were he aware of his actions, he would've been quite impressed with himself - to catch Edward Elric in time, moments before the blond hit the ground._

What the hell did just happen? _Was the only thought Roy's numb mind could form at that moment. It was all so sudden, so unexpected. One minute Edward was rambling endlessly about his day from his place by the kitchen's doorway, driving Roy crazy with his constant chatter while the Colonel attempted to make dinner... and on the next he suddenly fell alarmingly silent, the abrupt cease of his speech unsettling. At first, Roy hadn't suspected anything, and was actually a little bit amused by the sudden silence. He only turned around with that ugly light-green towel in his hands to see what made his partner finally shut up, a smirk and a mocking comment ready on his lips. But the smirk slid off his face like water on glass and his dark eyes widened in a mix of horror and shock as he noticed with a cold wave of fear the way Edward was strangely swaying where he stood, the blood draining from the blond's face with a choked gasp. Wide golden eyes looked up at Roy in confusion, as if asking him what was wrong with his own body, lips innocently parted with a soundless question. His right hand shakily fluttered up to clutch at the front of his shirt, his left unconsciously reaching out to grab and steady himself against the doorway... and missing._

_In a skip of a heartbeat, Roy was there. He wasn't even aware of the fact he was moving faster than he ever did before over to catch him, his previously-rolled-up white sleeves revealing strong arms that reached forward swiftly to grab Edward before he hit the clean kitchen tiles. The dark-haired man had no idea how he managed to get to him in time, one second before Edward's knees failed and his eyes rolled back as he collapsed onto the floor with Roy's arms barely wrapped around him, unconscious._

_"...Ed?" Roy didn't recognize his own voice. It sounded so strange to his ears, so anxious and full of poorly-contained panic. "Ed!" He called out, his heart skipping a few beats as panic threatened to take over. "Edward, wake up! Shit. Shit! What the hell is going on?" He mumbled, chest tight with worry, his palm gently patting the blond alchemist's cheeks in a weak attempt to pull him out of his state of unconsciousness. Dark eyes ran over the younger's face, taking in the way Edward's eyes were shut tight as if in pain, his breaths shallow and labored and sheen of cold sweat slowly forming on his pale forehead._

_Gathering_ _him up into his arms, Roy picked the unconscious man up and carried him into the living room, gently laying Edward on the couch and placing one of the decorative pillows under his head to make his struggle to breathe somewhat easier. It seemed to work well enough, and with a relieved sigh Roy watched the pained lines on Edward's forehead smoothen out a bit. Roy allowed his gaze to linger on his lover's relaxed face for a few seconds longer - just to make sure he actually was fine - then tore his eyes away and reached his hand towards the black rotary dial phone on the side table and quickly dialed the only number he remembered that belonged to some kind of a Doctor - someone he hasn't spoken to in years - urgently hurrying the man to come over as quickly as possible._

_As soon as he got a promise out of Dr. knox that he'll be there in less than ten minutes, Roy hung up and hurried back to the couch where his unconscious lover was still restlessly sleeping. He knelt beside the couch, his hand hesitantly reaching up before he took in a shuddering breath to pull himself together, and allowed his fingers to gently stroke the sweat soaked golden bangs and push them away from Edward's cold forehead. He didn't know how much time passed like this, with him kneeling beside Edward and trying to sooth his pain and discomfort, didn't even bother to get up when the doorbell rang and the Doctor arrived._

_"What happened to the little guy?" Dr. knox asked in practical tone as he entered the living room, letting himself into the house as if it was his own without even waiting for Colonel Mustang to open the door for him. He hauled his small brown suitcase onto the coffee table and opened it with two soft 'click's before moving to hover over the blond with a concentrated frown, adjusting his glasses on his nose._

_"I'm not sure." Roy admitted. "He collapsed all of a sudden, just like that." A brief, fondly amused thought pierced his haze of worry as he wondered what would have been Ed's reaction at being called 'little', even after growing so much and almost reaching his desired height of 5'9. But then the thought was gone, and anxiety took it's place again as Roy tried to keep his voice and expression calm and collected, even though in his chest a storm was swirling._

_"Do you know of any previous discomforts he might have felt? Did he ever complain of any headaches, nausea, dizziness or anything like that?" Knox asked, sitting himself on the couch next to Edward's shivering body and taking his left hand, pressing two fingers into the younger's wrist and counting quietly under his breath. Roy shook his head, worriedly watching the way Edward's breath hitched once or twice in distress._

_"He didn't say anything, he never does." Roy sighed, closing his eyes for a brief moment. He knew how stubborn Edward could be. Always independent, always insisting on handling things by himself. "Although... I do remember catching him having a few coughing fits and maybe a dizzy spell or two during the past two... three weeks," He corrected himself slowly, his brow creasing in his attempt to recall those particular incidents. "But whenever I tried to say something about it he always brushed it off and said he was probably just not drinking enough water or other shit like that." Roy paused for a moment, then hung his head down with a heavy sigh, running a trembling hand through his silky black hair. "I should have insisted harder." He mumbled to himself in a near whisper._

_Dr. knox nodded but didn't make any comment at Roy's momentarily show of weakness. "His vital signs are stable at the moment," He said then, straight to business. "Apart from his breath-shortness and slight fever which actually could have induced a lack of breath. I don't see a reason to take him down to the hospital yet, but I'd like to take a blood sample just to make sure it's nothing too serious." Roy listened carefully, nodding in agreement as he absentmindedly rubbed his thumb over the back of Edward's hand that the Doctor finally released._

_"Is there anything I can do for him right now?" He asked._

_"Of course." Knox said, fingers running over a selection of glass bottles before choosing a tiny brown one with a green plain sticker from the many others inside his suitcase. He handed the bottle to Roy who took it without even looking at the label, dark eyes focusing straight on the Doctor in attention. "Until the results come back, I want you to make sure that he rests and drinks enough liquids. I don't want him to go to work or strain himself in any way for a while. Give him one pill every six hours for three days after meals, it should bring his fever down and ease his breathing." Roy nodded silently and watched as the Doctor shuffled through his suitcase again to pull a syringe out. He gently patted the blond's limp arm before inserting the thin needle into the tender flesh of the inside of his elbow, attaching a small vial to the other end to be filled with Edward's dark crimson blood. Edward winced a little, but otherwise didn't wake up._

_"May I ask a... personal question?" Knox suddenly said quietly while returning all the equipment back into his brown suitcase before shutting it with a 'thud'. Roy nodded again, distractedly turning the small bottle in his hand. "What is the nature of the relationship between you two?" He asked. Roy looked at him in surprise. That was probably the last question he'd have expected to be asked._

_"He's my lover." Roy said at last. The Doctor stared at him curiously, a hint of a frown darkening his wrinkled face._

_"Isn't he a little bit too young for such things? If you don't mind me asking," Roy shook his head with a fond smile, his dark eyes wandering back to watch Edward's sleeping face._

_"He's already twenty years old. He only looks small," Roy smiled affectionately, stroking Edward's sweaty forehead._

_"Is he really?" Knox quirked a surprised eyebrow, leaning in to get a better look. "I'll be damned. He's so small for his age, I could've sworn he was no older than eighteen."_

_Roy chuckled. "Don't let him hear you say that."_

_"Well," Knox said with a grunt, pushing himself to his feet and grabbing the handle of his suitcase, extending his other hand for Roy to shake. "I should better be going. I'll call you when the blood test's results return."_

_"Thanks for coming," Roy got up to his feet as well and gripped Dr. Knox's hand in a firm shake. The Doctor offered him a weak smile, glancing back down at the couch where Edward still slept, his breathing still slightly ragged and labored._

_"Don't mention it. Goodbye, Colonel." He said as Roy walked him towards the front door._

_"He'll be alright, will he?" Roy blurted out once the Doctor was already at the gate, unable to control his swirling emotions any longer. Dr. Knox sighed, then turned to face him again, not even a hint of a smile on his grim face._

_"I hope so."_

* * *

"Why hasn't anyone called me?" Alphonse Elric hissed angrily as he entered the hospital room where his older brother was currently hospitalized. He was obviously struggling to keep his voice quiet for his brother's sake, but everyone could see how mad and worried he actually was. If he wasn't so busy on keeping his attention solely on Edward, Roy would have probably gaped at the younger Elric in shock. He had never seen such a hostile expression on the youngest brother's usually gentle and kind face, and he achingly wished to never see that terrible look of pain and sorrow on Alphonse's face again.

"We tried," Riza muttered solemnly, her even voice calming and just a little bit soothing the blond's rage and anxiety. "I don't know why it didn't reach you, I'm sorry, Alphonse."

Alphonse sighed and ran a hand through his short sandy hair, the anger slowly leaving his face as he tried to calm down a little, making room for worry and dread to take it's place instead. "When did you get him here?" He asked quietly. This time it was Roy's turn to answer.

"Yesterday afternoon." Roy mumbled, dark eyes flicking up to give Al a short glance before returning his gaze to focus on Edward's sleeping face again. "He didn't feel well the whole morning, and when he tried to take a shower he collapsed and stopped breathing. The doctors suspect it was the steam that did it. I tried to perform CPR and called for an ambulance to get him here. He now breathes only with the help of a respirator." Roy explain, his voice on the verge of breaking as the haunting images of yesterday's panic came back to fill his mind, memories of Edward sprawled naked on the bathroom floor, chest silent and unmoving as Roy desperately tried to force air into him, his palms pushing down on his still chest repeatedly. He'd never been so scared in his entire life.

Alphonse gulped, drawing a shaky breath as he nodded silently and turned two moist golden-green eyes to wander over his brother's body, taking in the sight of the many electrodes that were attached to the eldest Elric's bare chest, tracking his heartbeats with a quiet beeping sound that made his own heart ache with fear, dreading the possibility that that sound might cease.

A transparent rubber mask covered Edward's mouth and nose and forced air into his lungs, his chest rising and falling slowly as the sound of quiet, mechanical pumps of oxygen broke the heavy silence in the white room, along with the sharp beeping of the heart monitors. With a tightening chest, Alphonse spotted few more machines that were attached to various parts of Edward's still-too-small-for-his-age, fragile body. Those sounds - as alarming as they were - were still small comforts for everyone in the room. This way they knew the young alchemist was still alive.

"What did the doctors say?" Alphonse finally asked as he moved to the opposite side of the bed across from the Colonel and snuck one hand into his brother's other limp palm, squeezed it gently and trying to keep his voice steady.

"They said he'd be lucky to make it through the n night," Roy whispered, his voice finally cracking at the end of the sentence as he felt his throat tightening painfully. The words felt foreign on his tongue, as if someone else was using his own mouth to speak. However... hearing himself saying this out loud was beginning to make this real, and Roy still was not ready for that.

"No..." Alphonse breathed, golden-green eyes widening as he slowly shook his head in denial. Roy could relate. He sunk into one of the chairs beside his brother and covered his hand with both of his, fingers gently caressing the soft and cold skin as he stared at the pale hand, eyes wide and unseeing as the meaning of Roy's words began to sink in. His hand was so cold... as if he was already gone. "No, brother..." Silent tears rolled down Alphonse's cheeks, eyes squeezing shut and shoulders hunching forwards in a soundless sob.

Roy looked away.

And as if he heard his name being spoken, Edward moaned softly, his eyebrows knitting together in pain as he struggled to pull himself back into consciousness. His sunken, dark eyelids twitched once or twice before they slowly fluttered open, golden eyes blinking heavily a few times as his confused gaze rolled dully over to stare at a hiccupping Alphonse for a few seconds, not fully understanding what he was seeing. His tired eyes shifted slowly to his other side, stopping on Roy's pained face as he blinked the fog out of his exhausted mind, trying to comprehend the situation.

"Hey, love..." Roy muttered with a very poor attempt at a reassuring smile that came out too sad and broken, his hand reaching up to gently stroke Edward's cold forehead, soft golden bangs being pushed back to reveal the old scar over the blond's eyebrow.

"Why... am I here...?" Edward's voice was a low, breathy whisper, almost as if he had to force the words straight out of his lungs. Roy stayed silent for a while, his mind trying to find the words to tell the love of his life the one thing he could not even accept himself. Edward's exhausted eyes stared at him silently, their golden depth sad and comforting, and with a crashing realization Roy suddenly knew he didn't have to say anything. Edwards had already known.

"Ed..." Roy choked out at last, his voice quiet and sorrowful, dark eyes staring into gold, unable to look away. He then cleared his throat to get rid of the painful lump there and settled for the obvious, dry information, not yet ready to approach the real thing he was still trying to deny. "Yesterday, you collapsed at home and I had to bring you here." He explained, trying to sound confident.

"What's going to... happen... to me...?" Edward insistently panted, his words slow and labored, slightly muffled by the rubber mask that covered half of his face. He looked at his lover, eyes challenging him to tell him the horrible truth... and Roy was no longer able to control his tears. They stung his eyes, escaping silently to roll down his face, his hands trembling as he took Edward's weak hand in both of his, bringing it closer to his stuttering chest as a sob fought to break free.

"I... you... y-you'll be fine, Edward," Roy lied with a cracked voice, forcing a smile on his teary face. He couldn't say it. He wouldn't. He couldn't make this real. Alphonse made a strange noise, his grip on Edward's other hand tightening as he shook with quiet sobs.

"...liar..." Edward whispered and closed his fluttering eyelids, concentrating on his shallow and slow breathing, in and out. It was taking too much effort for him to talk, and he could feel the way the lack of breath made his ears ring and his vision blink and darken a few times, feeling as if someone was toying with the light switch. Roy paused, swallowing hard as he watched Edward struggle for breath, his heart shattering into pieces at the sight. He'd never before felt so useless, not even in Ishval. He was helpless - he couldn't do anything to help the one person he loved more than his own life, couldn't ease his pain, couldn't save him. All he could do was hold his hand and sit beside him, and just be there. And it seemed as if to Edward, it was enough, for he smiled weakly behind the mask despite the pain and forced his golden eyes to open again, focusing them on Roy's face. "That's too bad..." He breathed, something like a chuckle making it past his lips, humorless and sad. "I wanted to at least... be with you... a bit... longer."

Standing beside Hawkeye, Fuery suddenly made a strange noise, turning his head away. Roy felt as if someone punched him in the stomach.

"You w-would, I promise you would." Roy tried very hard not to break down, something he couldn't say for Alphonse, who was currently all but wailing, his face buried in his hands that still clung onto Edward's as his brother's words shuttered his heart. "You'll b-be fine, Edward, I swear, I swear you'll be alright." But when Edward answered his vain promises with nothing but a sad smile that wordlessly called him out on his pitiful lies and told him he didn't have to do that anymore... that was his breaking point. He couldn't hold it in anymore. He let out a choked cry, his voice broken and trembling with the tears he could no longer stop.

That was it for Alphonse. The youngest Elric couldn't take it anymore. He needed to step aside for a while, else he'd go insane with sorrow and grief, his body already exhausted from crying. With a whimper, he reluctantly let go of his brother's hand and stood up, pushing his chair back and missing the sorrowful, regretful look Edward cast his way. He couldn't stand watching his - always so strong, always so confident,  _invincible_  - big brother looking like this, so weak and pained, counting the minutes to his end. He couldn't listen anymore to this conversation that broke his heart. He couldn't bear the thought of a farewell.

Edward watched him go, his heart breaking for the pain his baby brother had to go through because of him, the hand Alphonse released weakly clenching at the white sheets. He saw him stumble towards Hawkeye who was now standing beside the door, nearly collapsing into her open arms that were already ready to gather a broken blond to hold against her chest, her gentle hands caressing Alphonse's short hair and her quiet, sad voice murmuring comforting nonesenses in his ears. Havoc and Fuery were there beside her, looking away from the scene in an attempt to control their emotions. And still, despite their efforts, Riza caught a glimpse of Havoc covering his eyes with his hand, but it couldn't hide the tears that were shinning, dripping from his chin.

Slowly turning his head from his grieving little brother and friends, Edward turned two dull eyes back to look at Roy. He moved his hand a little, slipping it out of Roy's grasp to weakly run his fingers over the pale skin of his shaking hand in a vain attempt to comfort him. "I'm sorry," He whispered breathlessly into the rubber mask, golden eyes shinning with regretful tears as if he begged Roy to forgive him. "...I never wanted... to leave you... behind."

"D-don't-" Roy choked out, grabbing his hand again to press it into his wet cheek, shivering. "I-I... life without you, is..." His voice broke, unable to continue as a sob wrecked his body. Edward's fingers closed around the other's, the back of his hand rubbing Roy's cheek gently, still within Roy's tight and desperate grasp.

"I'm glad... that I got to meet... a wonderful man... like you," Edward whispered, his tired eyes welling up with tears of sorrow and regretful love, his heart breaking for the pain he put Roy through. Roy shut his eyes tightly, shaking his head in denial, not wanting to hear those words of goodbye. "I love... you, Roy. Thank you... for loving... m-me." Edward smiled, a tear slipping from his eye and disappearing into his hair. Roy let out a strangled cry of pain, feeling as if his heart was being ripped out of his chest, piece by piece. If it was possible to die of a broken heart, then Roy was dying.

"Don't s-say that, don't." He sobbed, rubbing Edward's hand against his lips, shaking as he kissed it again and again. "You'll be fine, I p promise. We'll b buy a small house in Risembool, like you w-w-wanted, and we will l live there peacefully, just the two of u us, okay? J-just... don't say things l like that." Roy practically begged, his dark eyes pleading Edward to stay with him, to help him keep the illusion of a future, to give him some hope. Edward tried to smile again in reassurance, but then his lips twitched in confusion as his golden eyes grew dull and distant, shifting and fluttering in Roy's direction as if they were looking for something lost.

The ghost of a smile slipped from his pale lips.

"Strange..." He whispered, his breathing now much slower, weak and faded.

"W-what's wrong, love?" Roy stammered, trying to control his voice as tears kept rolling down his cheeks.

"Why... can't I see... your face...?" Edward looked a bit confused, then suddenly scared. The machines that were attached to his body began to beep louder and faster, as if they were trying to warn them of what was about to happen.

 _The doctors wouldn't make it in time._  Was the only coherent thought that went through Roy's suddenly blank mind, along with a constant stream of denial and panicked fear that blocked all of his other senses, his body frozen in place. He couldn't breathe, the tears were choking him as he clasped Edward's hand tighter. Edward's eyes desperately searched Roy's face, and his hand tried to slip out of Roy's grip and reach out, and Roy let him, loosening his hold on the cold hand. Dull golden eyes suddenly widened as if in surprise and his hand froze in the air, fingertips barely touching Roy's face...

And then limply dropped onto the white sheets.

* * *

_"You know, Roy? I've always wanted to move back to live in Risembool someday... after everything's over."_

_"Maybe this isn't such a bad idea," Roy said, smiling as his fingers played with one of the long golden strands of soft hair that was previously resting over Edward's eyes._

_It was their day off, and they both intended on spending it doing absolutely nothing productive. They sat together on the couch in the study at home, with Roy sitting upright, one leg drawn to his chest to balance a book he'd long since abandoned in favor of playing with Edward's loose hair. His other knee was pressed down to be used as cushion for Edward as the younger flopped on his back, head resting in Roy's lap and an open book lying on his chest as he shifted his attention curiously up to watch his lover. Golden eyes looked up at Roy with an awkward smile._

_"So you agree?" He asked, his tone hopeful._

_"I promise I'll think about it," Roy said, leaning down to kiss Edward's full lips. "Maybe a little bit of peace is exactly what we need." Edward's smile widened, and he reached up to touch Roy's cheek gently._

_"I love you, you know?" He mumbled warmly against the other's lips, his eyes lovingly fluttering over his face before locking with Roy's dark ones. "Don't ever forget that."_

* * *

_**Goodbyes are not forever.** _

_**Goodbyes are not the end.** _

_**They simply mean "I'll miss you,** _

_**until we meet again."** _

**-Unknown.**

**Author's Note:**

> So? Was that any good at all? I'd really like to hear your opinion, especially since this is a re-write and I really tried to make this a decent fic that wouldn't make me want to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment (as did the original version of this story).
> 
> So, please take a moment and leave me a review? I'd love to read your opinions and pointers, if you have any for me :)
> 
> Come visit me at [tumblr](http://tamyourue.tumblr.com/).


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